Dear Me,

I am finally, officially, truly, 30 years old.

When I was 25 years old, I experienced a quarter-life crisis. I questioned some life decisions I made, I questioned the meaning of life, and I questioned my own existence. I questioned, I read books, I asked friends who are 30+ years old — “Will I get my answers when I am 30 years old?”

Five years have gone by like in a second. I don’t really believe in ages or numbers. But 30 is a magic number of ages. I got my answers to the meaning of life and…


Dear Me,

Birds are having a concert outside, this time for real. I set up my wake up alarm to the bird sound so I heard the artificial one a while ago. I’ve been using iPhone for six years, and I only recently discovered this natural, pure and translucent bird. Such a fool! I’ll never come back to that boring, annoying, and never-wake-me-up alarm sound. As an old saying goes, never wake up someone pretending asleep. I’d say, never wake up someone who doesn’t want to wake up. Believe me, snooze won’t work. …


Hey!

I heard there is a party, a big one.

Get up, quick, come with me.

Oh, I wasn’t invited.

Shh…

Walking gently,

like, like that cat,

That cat, over there, that moving white ball under the rectangle darkness.

Shh…

Look,

They are washing off the darkness.

Little by little, like snowflakes, but black.

Listen,

They are murmuring, or are they gossiping?

Come, here, closer, look closer,

They are giggling, gently.

They are moving around, left and right.

Wendy the wind is dancing around, gently.

Wendy is saying something.

Shh…

“Get ready, for the party, shh… he is coming”

He…


“Tiffany”

Like some electricity went through my body, waking me up from working out on autopilot. I may have not told you, my friend’s English name is “Tiffany”.

“Suicide”

Another bomb. Yes, the friend who killed herself.

“Tiffany” and “Suicide”!?

I just wrote about my friend Tiffany’s suicide last week. In two seconds, my soul traveled to the past and jumped back, like an exercise ball being thrown to the wall, bouncing back and forth.

“Sister”

The pieces finally came together. It was David Sedaris speaking. I was working out while watching his writing class on MasterClass. …


Dear Me,

I watched a few shows this past week. They are all kind of dark, and heavy. One is a movie <Dark Water>, you may have seen it. It tells the story of Rob Bilott, an environmental lawyer, his decade-long legal battle against one of America’s most powerful corporations — DuPont, who allegedly contaminated drinking water with PFOA, a life-threatening chemical used in the production of Teflon, that caused cancers, birth defects and other illnesses of at least 3,500 people, and affected 70,000 residents.

It is a hard battle. DuPont has all the money and power to defend itself…


I don’t know what to say

I don’t know

If tears are circling in your eyes

If they are blocking your sight

If they are running all over your face

I can’t see

I am here, sitting

Far away

-

I hear you

I hear you breathing

I hear your heart is beating

I hear your muscles are tightening

So hard

-

I don’t know what to do, you said

I hear your voice is trembling

It must be very cold, inside your heart

I hear the pain in your voice

And scars, bleeding scars

Is it burning in your…


Dear Me,

I get up around 7 AM every morning this month, except weekends. In the first few days, I was very strict with this new habit: I would drag myself up from my bed the second when my 7 AM alarm rang. Later, I realized if I was still in deep sleep or intense dreams, I would feel very uncomfortable after getting up. My head would be dizzy, and my body would be heavy, like a zombie. …


Dear Me,

You may notice I am writing these letters to you in English (of course lol) — my second language. Why? Because of love, simple and definite. You must know there is no reason for love, right? And love is complicated, no matter it is second or first. My love for English, and Chinese, is complicated, no matter it is second or first.

Microaggression

I learned a new English word “microaggression”. Meaning? Well, microaggression, obviously, haha. I was taking a mental health volunteer training class and one of the courses is about racism. Yes, “microaggression” is about racism. …


Dear Me,

Before we get started, I want to check in on you: Are you thinking of killing yourself?

Call National Lifeline 1–800–273-TALK (8255) if you or others are in need, and call 911 if you or others are in danger. I am here for you too, one call or email away :)

I just learned the FCC presented draft rules to establish 988 as the new, nationwide three-digit phone number for suicide prevention and mental health crisis. Such great news! 988 is NOT currently active nationally, please still use 1–800–273-TALK (8255). The wait won’t take long.

As you may…


How are you?

No, I didn’t mean the I-am-good-and-you “how are you”. I meant the how-are-you “how are you”.

How are you?

Not the father or mother, the daughter or son, the husband or wife, the sister or brother you;

Not the CEO or manager or engineer or designer or chef or professor or teacher or stylist you;

Not the (you name it) you, but the Dear Me you, the you without any titles or labels or even names (talking about names, I have a funny story for you in the next post, yeah, funny, I meant the funny funny…

Nina Wei

Yes, humans are social animals. Yes but no, humans are lonely social animals.

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